Dear Diary

dear diary,

today I don’t feel like feeling.

I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions

and I don’t think feeling is the best option for me right now

dear diary,

when will the pain stop.

my heart aches and my brain wrecks

all I feel in me is havoc

dear diary,

will my children every grow up in a safe place.

I am plagued with dirty thoughts and dirty feelings

and if my mind isn’t a safe space then what is.

dear diary,

I feed you with words because you’re the only one who would understand

you’re the only one who wouldn’t judge or critique

or comment or undermine

dear diary,

please,

make it stop.

make the world stop.

make the feelings and emotions and judgement and hate and time!

make the time stop

make time stop.

dear diary,

please,

I beg you,

they say words materialise the things you mean so please,

materialise this for me.

I am tired

and livid

and in pain

pain consumes the rest of my heart and I cannot help but feel

dear diary,

*sigh*

dear diary.

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sticks & stones

sticks and stones may break your bones

they say love never will

what they don’t say is that love is like a pill

 

you’re fed and fed and stuffed and fed

take it with you to your bed

and all it does, is get inside your head

 

sticks and stones may break your bones

they say love never will

they don’t say it stills.

your inner child

keep your inner child alive

for they might be

the very reason you survive

 

this cruel and nasty

place we call earth

the place we’ve been set on since birth

 

now I know

you don’t like being told what to do

trust me I’ve been down that road too

 

but listen

to the advice I’ve given above

it might lead to a haven or a cove

 

trust in that

the child must be kept here say

for he or she will keep the monsters at bay.

Now, you’ll see Me.

I am done

Playing it safe.

For years and years I put it all away

My dreams, my thoughts,

my wants and my heart

All for fear of being

hurt

rejected

put down

made fun of.

I am done

Hiding.

wasting away my rawness

my true self

I am done

wanting to be someone else.

Now you’ll see me,

for who I am

and what I aspire to be.

Now,

you’ll see Me.