I remember when I wanted to die
when even the things I enjoyed no longer brought light into my life.
I remember everything I ever built shattering
swept aside into the corner,
glass broken cannot be put back together.
I remember popping pills
hoping maybe it would numb the feel.
I remember holding a razor
anything that could maybe hint a flavour.
I remember that small lighter
I had lying in my drawer,
how I would light it and play with the fire.
I remember my room
a dark abode,
any sense of light that crept in
I would shut for it hurt my brain, my heart and my soul.
I remember the ringing I had in my head,
the lurching feeling when they were rushing me to the hospital
to see if it was medical,
cars honking and the fast pace, had me unsettled, sick to the stomach I’d face.
The doctor looked at me and said
you’re fine go home, you’ve wasted my day.
We drove in silence
me wondering if it was a brand of psychosis
here I am again in the dark room
with no light shining through.
I must die to be reborn.
I must die.
To be reborn.