today I don’t feel like feeling.
I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions
and I don’t think feeling is the best option for me right now
when will the pain stop.
my heart aches and my brain wrecks
all I feel in me is havoc
will my children every grow up in a safe place.
I am plagued with dirty thoughts and dirty feelings
and if my mind isn’t a safe space then what is.
I feed you with words because you’re the only one who would understand
you’re the only one who wouldn’t judge or critique
or comment or undermine
make it stop.
make the world stop.
make the feelings and emotions and judgement and hate and time!
make the time stop
make time stop.
I beg you,
they say words materialise the things you mean so please,
materialise this for me.
I am tired
and in pain
pain consumes the rest of my heart and I cannot help but feel