I’d never sobbed so much. Granted, I probably have, I just don’t want to admit it.

It was the last night of taraweeh, the last night of Ramadan, and it suddenly dawned on me that I might not be alive to see the next one. It suddenly dawned on me that I hadn’t done enough. That I hadn’t recited the Quran enough, that I hadn’t prayed enough, that I hadn’t done as much as I could have ; as I should have.  It suddenly dawned on me that, I might not see the next Ramadan. 

I left the mosque with an aching heart and an even more aching soul. My heart about to jump out of my chest if I didn’t keep it under control.

This is where He wants me. This is how much deeds He has allotted for me this year. And I must learn to understand. And I must learn to accept. For He knows far better than I.




What is hijab?

Is it merely a cover we have over our heads?

A representation of who we are?

I’ll tell you what hijab is not.

Hijab is not a reflection of your relationship with God.

In the literal sense, hijab means curtain; or partition.

Typically though, it refers to a veil traditionally worn by Muslim women in the presence of adult males outside of their immediate family.

Now, I am not about to hinder the use of hijabs, for I am a hijab-wearing Muslim myself, but what I am going to vocalise is the fact that people, Muslims especially, need to stop with this condemning of other Muslim women who do not wear the hijab “properly”.

Let me repeat that line, hijab is not a reflection of your relationship with God.

Of course it is mandatory, of course it is necessary, but you do not get to judge a person’s faith based on a piece of cloth you wear over your head.

Calm down, fellow hijabis. Did you forget I am hijab-clad as well?

You do not get to decide if a person is worth hell or heaven. You do not get to decide if a person is worthy of the Islamic religion. You do not get to blatantly judge this person, because it is not your place to do so.

You want to bring up verses from the Qur’an speaking of how it is necessary to ‘remind’ a person of their duties towards their religion, fine, but I’ll counter that with verses on how it is not in anyone’s place to judge others. [49:12]

Yes, hijab is mandatory.

Yes, it is said so in the Qur’an.

But it also speaks of how understanding Allah is.

How He knows of the struggles a human being goes through.

So if you ever want to go about with how Allah would be disappointed, how He would be ashamed of Muslims who are not in hijab, please, check yourself to make sure that you are without sin.

Because not everyone sins the same way you do.


Do I intimidate you?

Make you fall to your knees.

Do I make you wonder?

What it would be like to be with me.

Do I make you scared?

The unbeknownst threatening

to splatter all over your unassuming conscious.

You wish you knew.

You wish you knew me

But you don’t.

And unless you dig deep

through the very depths of my soul,


will never know.

suicide pt ii

Why is suicide supposedly for the weak?

Is it because they were unable to bear the godforsaken horrors of this worldly nature?

Is it because they managed to find their own escape while you have not?

Or because you are upset at the fact that you can’t do the same for yourself?

Suicide is not done by the weak;

instead they are done by the strong.

Done by those who handled a little more than they should have.

By those who have gone through far more than they could have.

It’s not that they’re taking the easy way out,


it’s them finding their own means of escape.

Condemning a person who committed suicide is shameful,

unlawful even.

They did so because they didn’t see an end to their sufferings

so instead they decided to take it into their own hands,

to die by their own hands.

That, is only something a brave person would do;

a person with courage.

Suicide is not for the weak,

The sooner you see that the better it’ll be.


how does one think that suicide is for the weak,

when it takes a brave soul to sow what they reap.

of all the times and answers that they seek

more too often they do not find instead they





they crawl and claw their way above it all,

despite everyone waiting to see them fall.

you see that’s the thing about souls who feel,

they see and hear and taste and touch, they don’t just deal.


maybe it is your fault for not seeing them the way they are,

because we all know no matter how hard you try you won’t get far

these souls have bore far too much for them to conceal,

so instead they use their hearts as a form of shield.



I had never known beauty until I met her.

This wonderful ray of sunshine.

This beautiful piece of art.

This ball of complexity.


She was art,

Even when she didn’t think that of herself,


And I loved her for it.


— a poem i wish i would get